for the past 15 years or so, i have had a central nervous system disorder that causes physiological pain and cognitive impairments as well as neuro-psychological symptomatology. it affects me in different ways – physically and mentally – at different times. usually it’s not debilitating, but sometimes it is.
right now it is.
i’m currently in the middle of a horrible bout of “impaired concentration, short-term memory consolidation issues, impaired speed of performance, difficulty multi-tasking, cognitive overload, and diminished attention span”. it’s been going on for just over a week now.
to compound the problem, my anxiety is on the rise because i have shit to do… but i’m struggling to do even things that should be simple. my brain is going a million miles a second and i can’t slow it down long enough to focus to any end. i can’t even sit down and watch a half-hour television show ffs. it’s even kinda tough just writing this…
don’t get me wrong – i’m not in a bad/dark place in my head right now – it’s just kind of like an intermittant short circuit that dulls my thinking process, making me horribly distracted and forgetful and spacey. i think this is what being “not smart” would feel like. it would be ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING if i didn’t recognise it for what it is, or if i didn’t know that it was only temporary… but i do, and it is. so far anyway.
so yeah, i have a broken frickin’ brain. this isn’t the first time, and it’ll probably not be the last time, but it sure does suck big giant donkey balls in the meantime.
Sorry you’re having this now when you’ve got shit to do. Good news is, you don’t perform brain surgery or collect state secrets for a living, so hopefully all will be well until your brain chooses to cooperate. Kisses!
thankies <3
i was going to make a joke about state secrets but i don't want/need any more red flags by my name.
Do you check your blood sugar at all during these times? I completely understand feeling like that at times. I hope you feel better soon.
thank you auntie. i think i might be near the end of this one.
i don’t check my blood sugar but only because i don’t have a blood sugar testing kit (i used to play with grandma’s though… for science). it DOES seem to want to suddenly drop every once in a while, but i know what that feels like so i just go grab a spoonful of peanut butter or some juice or something. that being said, i’m exercising regularly and taking multi vitamins/minerals and some supplements, and my diet is surprisingly good, and i think it’s been a couple of months now since my blood sugar has taken a noticeable dive.