for the past 15 years or so, i have had a central nervous system disorder that causes physiological pain and cognitive impairments as well as neuro-psychological symptomatology. it affects me in different ways – physically and mentally – at different times. usually it’s not debilitating, but sometimes it is.
right now it is.
i’m currently in the middle of a horrible bout of “impaired concentration, short-term memory consolidation issues, impaired speed of performance, difficulty multi-tasking, cognitive overload, and diminished attention span”. it’s been going on for just over a week now.
to compound the problem, my anxiety is on the rise because i have shit to do… but i’m struggling to do even things that should be simple. my brain is going a million miles a second and i can’t slow it down long enough to focus to any end. i can’t even sit down and watch a half-hour television show ffs. it’s even kinda tough just writing this…
don’t get me wrong – i’m not in a bad/dark place in my head right now – it’s just kind of like an intermittant short circuit that dulls my thinking process, making me horribly distracted and forgetful and spacey. i think this is what being “not smart” would feel like. it would be ABSOLUTELY TERRIFYING if i didn’t recognise it for what it is, or if i didn’t know that it was only temporary… but i do, and it is. so far anyway.
so yeah, i have a broken frickin’ brain. this isn’t the first time, and it’ll probably not be the last time, but it sure does suck big giant donkey balls in the meantime.